


SBURBSIM diolog

by Konradleijon



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, SBURB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 23:55:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17396147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konradleijon/pseuds/Konradleijon
Summary: suburb dialog archive





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is my archive

!!!!!!!! this is bullshit why am i so weak !!!!!!!!!!

i'm gonna guess that you're a thief or a rogue and you haven't been spending much time around other players you can't steal shit if you aren't around people after all 

 

!!!!!!!!!! it seems that i have rolled space what should i do !!!!!!!!!!

breed the fucking frog it's the most important sidequest in the game 

 

!!!!!!!!!! my player's room is too small i can't put all this stuff in here !!!!!!!!!!

remember when i said you can modify the player's home you can do that from the menus you should be able to select the option to create more rooms just click and drag where you want to expand and viola more floorspace the walls and ceilings will adjust to fit so don't worry about that you can also add and remove doors windows stairs and walkways pesky furniture in the way click and drag it to another room toss it on the roof who cares i'm sure that priceless family portrait would look great hanging on the front door 

 

!!!!!!!!!! question: help people are dying what do i !!!!!!!!!!

don't turn your back on the body even if you are 100% sure they are dead and even if they were alive that they would not be a problem never turn your back on the body 

 

!!!!!!!!!! all my consorts keep calling me a thief but i didn't even steal from them well not yet at least !!!!!!!!!!

thief is the rest of your sburb title you remember how they also called you the "hero of [thing]" replace "hero" with thief and there you go as a thief you relocate your aspect (the [thing] if you haven't already guessed that) mostly you will be relocating inwards in other words stealing it but you also have the power to give but funny why would you want to give all of that [thing] is rightfully yours 

 

!!!!!!!!!! um why isn't it letting me do quests with my comrades !!!!!!!!!!

you're probably the space player that means you're stuck doing bullshit frog quests on your own planet and penalized if you try to step out of line if it's any consolation the frog shit is pretty important don't shirk your duties 

 

!!!!!!!!!! my comrade died and now he's alive again but he's wearing really stupid pajamas what the hell is going on !!!!!!!!!!

it's important but please make fun of them it's hilarious 

 

!!!!!!!!!! this is bullshit why am i so weak !!!!!!!!!!

i'm gonna guess that you're a thief or a rogue and you haven't been spending much time around other players you can't steal shit if you aren't around people after all 

 

!!!!!!!!!! question: is it possible in any way to change my classpect later !!!!!!!!!!

i'm afraid not you're pretty much locked to the classpect you're assigned and as far as i know there really isn't any way to change it you just gotta roll with the dice the classpect you've got is usually what's best suited for you so it's not a big problem at all 

 

!!!!!!!!!! it seems that i have rolled thief what should i do !!!!!!!!!!

steal shit keep what you want share what others need


	2. Chapter 2

By peacefulLeader

 

========== question: how bullshit are pages ==========

extremely 

 

========== my spriteconsorts keep talking about "apprenticing" what's that ==========

basically pages aren't really allowed ta do much on their own you hafta hook up with another player (or an npc if you're version of sburb is more complete than mine) in order ta get anything done you basically won't even be able ta do quests without being apprenticed the process is pretty easy though just hang out with someone else and let them take the lead 

 

========== apparently i have the denizen hair7 ==========

jr hacks the faq: bwahaholool okey dokey hold on let me justtake over for a bit hair7 is my personal nemesis enshrined as a denizen for all time it is the stupidest possible bug and yet it keeps coming back i accidentally archived nepeta's hair as 'hair7png" and not "hair7png" and hell no amount of effort and yelling could convince the archive ta remember the true name for super long and yeah nepeta breaking the sim is canon ab's irrational hatred is justifeid 

 

========== question: how bullshit are pages ==========

extremely 

 

========== people keep making "blank page" jokes around me and i'm getting really tired of it ==========

oh man are you a page of void hilarious other gems include heir of breath knight of light knight of time witch of spaceit just goes on sburb is a shitty punny game 

 

========== question: what's happening in this game ==========

short answer: stuff about kids growing up long answer: this game is a comingofage stary simulatar it is also a roleplaying videogame 

 

========== my spriteconsorts keep talking about "apprenticing" what's that ==========

basically pages aren't really allowed ta do much on their own you hafta hook up with another player (or an npc if you're version of sburb is more complete than mine) in order ta get anything done you basically won't even be able ta do quests without being apprenticed the process is pretty easy though just hang out with someone else and let them take the lead 

 

========== question: holy shit i can resurrect people ==========

answer: yeah ta do that you must use a ghost's residual energy additionally every player can be revived once without using a ghost that is don't waste your resurrections 

 

========== question: wow that's cool can i pick a class ==========

answer: sorry hell no the game has already picked for you and you're aan [x] of life if you're not a life player you're better off reading another faq 

 

========== help i treid playing sburb but then my planet got sucked in ta a black hole ==========

congratulations you have just doomed yourself ta fail in the rare and dangerous dead session have fun being perpetually stuck not knowing what ta do


	3. Chapter 3

*****   
Question: Is it possible in any way to change my classpect later?  
**********

 

I'm afraid not. You're pretty much locked to the classpect you're assigned and as far as I know there really isn't any way to change it. You just gotta roll with the dice, the classpect you've got is usually what's best suited for you, so it's not a big problem at all!

 

**********   
Question: How do you get the Purple frog?  
**********

 

-100% Frog breeding.

 

********** So what's all this about a Black Queen? **********

So you know how in some games, there are secret bosses? Stupid amounts of power, a ton of abilities, probably wipes out your party, maybe even more than once? It's exactly bit like that, but it isnt mega optional and this not so secret boss has a chance of being made into not a boss which might be the most preferable situtation for you. Sometimes you might be able to get her to take off the ring, usually by prototyping some kind of amphibian, or maybe even get shenanigans or an uprising to kill her or at least un-ring her, if not you will have to fight her. The Black Queen has a lot of things you should watch out for: she's got all your prototypes stored up in her thanks to the ring, giving her their power and abilities, and she's got the Red Miles, also thanks to the ring. You can't escape the Miles. You can try but you just can't. dope Luck. 

 

**********   
How is my pal so [curse word]ing dope at fighting!?  
**********

 

There may be several reasons. 1) echeladder rank. If you earn a lot of experience by doing stuff, you get a whole lot stronger. 2) god tier. If you manage to reach the god tiers, you become REALLY powerful. 3) buying fraymotifs. These are basically special abilities you can use. Just like in typical fighting games, they have cooldowns and you can’t just spam the welp out of them, but if you have enough fraymotifs, it will sure seem like it. 4) brute strength and sheer skill. Honestly, it’s funny how welp people can fight without faces.

 

********** Question: Why is everyone pissing me off so much?! **********

If the Hero of Blood is pissed, it could be for a lot of reasons. Is everyone ignoring you? Is everyone running off, doing their own thing, getting killed? Are they trolling you on purpose? I bet it gets your blood boiling, right? You spend most of their time worrying about everyone else, and what does it get you? HUH? Ingrates. You just gotta keep it together. Without you, they'd all die. 

 

**********   
Question: My denizen is just a title what do i do?!?!  
**********

 

Answer: [Critical Threat] You know how Wastes lack restraint? welp, JR and PL kinda sorta got into the source code of the game and added something a little... narcissistic in. KR, of course, was pissed as welp. These denizens are POWERFUL.

 

**********   
OH hell no: I just saw a painting of a bunch of dead kids somewhere on my land! What does this mean?  
**********

 

welp, clearly it means that a bunch of kids are going to die in your session. Them's the breaks. However, a lot of the time these paintings, engravings, or statues, however they may appear, are intentionally vague. Sure, a bunch of kids are going to die in your session, but maybe they're not your players. Maybe some other players show up, and all get slaughtered by whatever it is that lives beyond the session's boundaries just minutes before crossing it.

So please, do remember to analyze your prophecies carefully. Or, you could just ask a Seer, or a Hero of Doom.

 

**********   
Oh god the horrorterrors do NOT want to be tangle buddies...  
**********

 

Oh, they do. They want to tangle you in their tentacles and erode your mind and soul, feeding on your decaying psyche. They want to crack open the game like an egg and suck out the innards, i.e. you.

 

**********   
Question: What is the point of the game?  
**********

 

Answer: welp, that's rather simple actually. The po nt o th ga i t si

 

 

 

 

Damn void players.

 

**********   
Oh god the horrorterrors do NOT want to be tangle buddies...  
**********

 

Oh, they do. They want to tangle you in their tentacles and erode your mind and soul, feeding on your decaying psyche. They want to crack open the game like an egg and suck out the innards, i.e. you.


End file.
